Friday, August 9, 2013

[Mushi Uta] Fan Fic --- To Where the Dream Ends

Just a piece that I wrote for a event. I hope no one minds if I share it here xD. Don't expect perfect grammar or anything. Feed backs are welcome!

This is a chapter about the past of my original character, which happened after an intense battle against a SEPB combatant (It was a tie but in the end I lost to his super move). So yeah.

To Where the Dream Ends ---

Before my consciousness get taken over by an overwhelming force and sank into the darkness, my past memories suddenly flashed through my mind. This must be what people called, the flashback before death, right?

In my view, I could see the familiar scene that I always had in my dream. Accompanied by my parents and little brother, the scene of the time when we went to the nearby park to play. The playful sound of my brother and my father could be heard in a distance as I laid rest on my mother’s laps.

Peaceful and calm, it was the time that I looked most forward to in the week.

Even though my family was not rich, we lived pretty decent lives. My father was a local factory worker, and my mom was a tailor who came oversea from Japan. It was love at first sight for them, and shortly after, they began living together. However, it wasn’t until my mother was pregnant with me that they decided to marry. I remembered hearing from them that cross-culture marriage was a taboo at that time, hence that was why they took so long getting together.

Nonetheless, they safely gave birth to me, and then a few years later, they gave birth to my brother, Hikaru. Whilst I looked pretty much like my mother aside from my eyes, my brother was completely the opposite. He inherited my father’s foreign look and looked more like an American rather than Asian. Natural blonde hair and pure sapphire eyes, I would be lying if I say I wasn’t jealous of him when I was little.

Anyway, aside from these trivial matters, my family and I pretty much lived an average live. Deep down, I really thought that my life would continue to be like this until the day I die. But… I was wrong.

This happened one day when I was still twelve. Out of nowhere, with no sign of warning or anything, my father collapsed at work one day. It wasn’t after we sent him to the hospital that we were told he got a cancer in his brain, and it was already in the final stage. It took me a while to understand the words that the doctor said; it meant that he wouldn’t get to live long. But he also said that with enough treatment he might just be able to survive. He was hospitalized immediately after for safely.

But from there, everything went downhill.

For the sake of taking over my father’s role in the family’s income and his medical bills, my mother was forced to take more jobs under her belt. Every night she would come home very late and then goes to work very early in the morning, I rarely get to see her sleep in her bed even the slightest. To loosen her burden, I decided to shoulder the chores and errands all by myself, making dinner and plus taking care of Hikaru every day.

However, as a result of spending all my free time on helping out with the family, I rarely get to hang out with my friends from then. Whenever they complain about my absence in the circle, I would always reply with a wryly smile and a sorry. As time passes on, they began to talk less and less to me before eventually stopped caring about me at all. During lunch time, I would always eat alone and study all by myself.

I was sad at first, but after thinking what my mother and father have to go through, I realized that what I’m experiencing was nothing compared to them. I kept on telling myself, as long as we manage to pull through this, everything will be fine! This tiny hope, was what driving my mother and I to try our hardest. Even my father, who’s currently hospitalized, was trying his hardest as well. There was no way I could give up halfway like this!

However, nothing was going the way I planned, nothing at all.

My father’s condition was worsening day by day. There was even one time when my mother and I went to visit him, he had a seizure in the middle of our conversation. That scene of him shaking his body as if he was being electrocuted while foaming white bubbles from his mouth left me dumbfounded and speechless. The doctor told us that he needed to undergo a brain surgery right away or else the next time or the time after that he had seizure again he might not be able to wake up ever again.

My mother and I clearly understood the risk of letting my father stay like this any longer, but we just couldn’t help it. We were lacking the most basic item required for the surgery, and that was money. My father’s surgery fee was nothing like we have ever seen before. Even for a thirteen year old kid like me could understand the fact that there was no way we would be able to obtain such enormous amount of money in such short period of time.

“It’s okay, Lind. Daddy will be healthy very soon and we can go to the park again!”

That was what my mother said as she patted my head before showing me a gentle smile. At that time, I didn’t really understand what she meant by those words. All I knew was that it seemed like my mother got a plan of her own and I was really happy about it.

But --- in the next following few days, she didn’t come home.

When I tried to call her, she would always reply with some excuse like she was busy or just simply ignore my call. I thought something was fishy, but I didn’t put much attention into it. One way or another, my mother must be working her hardest for father’s sake, that’s why I must not bother her. That was what I thought to convince myself out of it.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, I started my own plan as well.

Well, to simply put, it was nothing but a child’s scheme. Taking advantage of the time sale of the super markets nearby, I managed to get the food materials and other daily accessories with very cheap price. In addition, I also started my part time job as well.

Though frankly speaking, I guess those shouldn’t be counted as part time job after all, since they didn’t really hire me (It was illegal for them to hire kids for work under 15). Nonetheless, they did pay me with the tips that the costumer gave when I helped them out during busy hours, so it was a win-win situation for me. ^ ^

Bit by bit, I saved up the money that I earned from various things. Though it was probably nothing compares what my mother earns, but I was happy that I was able to help out even the slightest. Hopefully soon, we would earn enough money for father’s surgery and everything would be the same like it used to be!

One day, as I continued my daily activities of helping out at a nearby restaurant, I suddenly spotted a woman that looked like my mother embracing an unknown man. I first thought to myself that I must’ve mistaken them, but after I walked up to them, I realized that I was wrong.


The menu that I was holding dropped onto the floor when I saw her face. There was no doubt, she was my mother.


“Oui, this is your kid?”

The stranger man next to her suddenly spoke after a long silence, and she immediately shook her head.

“I’m sorry boy, you must’ve mistaken me as someone else.”

That voice that she used to explain to me, was no doubt the voice that I had been hearing in the past thirteen years. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, nor could I believe the scene in front of me.

Why are you acting so lovely dovey with that man, mom? Why is he touching you all over the places? Who is he? Why are you doing here this late at night?

These thoughts ran wildly through my mind as I watched them off after they done eating. After that, I followed them and saw them walked in a building called “Love Hotel”. I didn’t know what they were doing inside, but by the time she came out almost a few hours later, she was already with another man. I couldn’t hold in anymore so I jumped out from hiding and stopped her, firing the questions that filled my puzzled mind straight at her.

“Ahaha, kid. It seems like you’ve mistaken something here, I’m not her lover or anything. I’m just paying money for her service.”

What are you talking about? – was the look that I gave to the man.

“Didn’t you know? Your mom is a prostitute!”

What does he mean by that?

I turned to my mother for the answer, but only to see that she averted her gaze.

“It means that she is selling her body for money! Ahaha.”

My eye widened as her head turned even further away from me.

“Mom…? What is this man talking about? Hurry up and tell me… what he said was just a lie…”

“… I’m sorry…Lind.”

--- Was the only reply that I received from her.

After that, I immediately ran home in tears. Deep down I knew that she was doing all those for the sake of earning money for father’s surgery, but I just couldn’t bring myself to shake off this feeling of betrayal. Not just that, there was also a sense of uselessness enveloping me, hurting me from within.

“What’s wrong, Onii-chan?”

Hikaru, my little brother, asked that in a worried tone when I forcibly opened the door of our apartment. While being only seven years old, he had been very obediently taking care of him at home all by himself, a very well-behaved and understanding boy he was.

“Oh, that’s right. Do you know if mommy is coming home tonight?~”

When I saw his spirited-expression, I just couldn’t hold in my tears anymore. Of course, I didn’t tell him the truth. Later on, mom called home and tried to explain, but I told her that I understand so please don’t worry, and also I won’t tell anyone else. But as much as I tried to act strong, I just couldn’t hold it.

That night, I cried myself to sleep.

I kept telling myself, as long as we manage to pull through this, everything would be back to how it used to be. Dad would finally come home to live with us again, and mom would also stop doing that kind of job to make money. Everything would be the same!

But, I should’ve realized sooner that … nothing would ever be the same again. We couldn’t, go back to how it used to be anymore no matter how hard we tried.

Few days later, my father died from a seizure.

We couldn’t make it in time.

Not only that, my mother had also collapsed due to an illness that she infected from prostituting herself. She was then immediately hospitalized. Without any source of income, the money that we saved for my father’s surgery was rapidly drained due to my mother’s medical bill.

Eventually, Hikaru and I were kicked out of our apartment, and became homeless. We slept in the park at night and hunted for food in the morning, barely staying alive ourselves.

But even during those times, I still didn’t give up hope. The doctor had once said, with enough money, it was possible to return my mother to normal, and make her healthy again.

From there, I began to slowly become deviant and started doing all sort of bad things. Including but not limited to, stealing, blackmailing, threatening, and all sort of activities that would earn me money or a meal of the day. I would do anything to make sure that Hikaru and I could survive, and also saving money for the sake of my mother.

I was beat up thoroughly by those who were older than me around the area when I started, but through practicing, I began to grow stronger myself. If I don’t become stronger, no one would be able to protect Hikaru, or even save mom.

Through a pure coincidence, I encountered someone who could bring me change. It happened one day when I was beating up a group of teenagers for money. The man wearing black suit suddenly appeared out of nowhere and asked me if I wanted to work for him. It seemed like he has taken a liking of me and wanted me to kill someone for him.

Of course, I didn’t believe what he was saying until he threw a roll of cash in front of my feet.

“If you succeed, the reward will be 10 times more.”

--- That was what the man said as he showed me a grin.

I was stunned speechless instantly. The thought of money filled my mind and stiffened my whole body from within. Like a dog, I went and pick up that roll of cash without any hesitation.

Although I have never killed a person before, I was sure that I would be able to accomplish it for the sake of my family. That was why I didn’t hesitate at all, and took the request.

My target was an old man who was the president of a local big company. On that day, he would be visiting a local orphanage, and that would be where I make my moves. When I saw him in sight, I went and tugged his sleeve with my dirty hand.

I originally expected a disgusted expression to be shown from him. Since all of the adults that I’ve met so far were all the same, all of them were acting high and mighty because they have status or money. They wouldn’t even look at me in the eyes, acting as if I was merely a pebble on the road. But the old man --- he was different.

“Hey there, can I help you? --- Ah, you must be hungry right? Let me grab you some bread.”

With a gentle smile on his face, he took me to the stand on the side and gave me some food. Not only that, he also gave me some change of clothes. He should’ve known from start that I wasn’t one of the kids from the orphanage, yet he still treated me like one.

He brought me to a corner where there were no one around and began chatting with me, asking me how old am I and which school I go to. I didn’t answer him; I just slowly ate my bread one bite after another. And yet, he just went on all by himself, telling me about his life and all that.

He said that he was planning on increasing the size of the orphanage so that it could take in more kids like me who needed help. Things like helping kids go to school and finding them a new home were his goals. His eyes sparked with passion as he continued talking.

Without knowing, I was attracted to his topic and stopped eating. I began to realize that, he was actually a good guy. Unlike other people, he actually wanted to help homeless kids like me. If his plan were to succeed, hundreds of kid would benefit and thus saved from starvation. And maybe, he might be able to help me as well ---

“All that I’m lacking right now is the funding, if I have enough funding I would able to put this plan into action very soon.”


But I was wrong; he wouldn’t be able to help me, at least not in time.

“Ah, look how forgettable I’m, I didn’t even ask for your name ---“

Taking the pen that was inside his shirt pocket, I stabbed it directly at his throat. Blood started gushing out like fountain as his eye widened. When I saw that his hands were rising in attempting to seize me, I immediately went for the second stab. And then the third, fourth, all the way until his body stopped moving.

While I was doing that, tears began to overflow. But those weren’t the tear of sadness or guilt; those were the tears of joy. Every time my hands take the pen and stab it in his throat, I could feel the pleasure of joy overflowing me. In my mind, all I could think about was my mother.

Yes! I did it! I did it!! Mom will be saved in no time! And everything will be the same like how it used to be!

I fled from the scene immediately after in hurry. There was an uproar coming from behind me as I ran, it seemed like they have found out what had happened. In order to escape from pursue, I even jumped down from a two floor-high building and broke one of my legs. But even so, it didn’t stop me from smiling.

Trudging my broken leg, I went to the black-suited man for the money. When he saw my expression, he was stunned for a moment. Without further questioning, he gave me the money that he promised.

After minimum treatment, I went directly to the hospital carrying the money in my arms in a bag. I couldn’t suppress the overwhelming joy from distorting my expression.

With this money, mom will be healthy again, we don’t have to feed ourselves with the garbage on the streets anymore, we will have clean clothes to wear again, and we can even buy a new house! Everything will ---

When I opened the door of my mother’s hospital room, everything that was running wild in my mind flew away. My mind went blank instantly.

In the middle of the white-colored room, there was a figure hanging by the neck by a rope which made out of blanket. One could tell instantly just by looking that the figure had hanged herself to death. That was what my rationality was telling me as well.

But I just couldn’t believe it. There was no way that this person, who’s not moving the slightest, was my mom right?

I instantly ran and got her off from the rope, hoping that the person was still alive, or that I’ve mistaken this person as my mother. But after holding her in my arms and taken a closer look, the fear in my heart became true. Although her expression was pale-white, it was the same expression that I haven’t seen in a couple of months.


I roared.

While cursing the God, cursing the world, but mainly, cursing at myself.

Why didn’t I come here faster, why didn’t I just kill that man earlier and come here, if so she might’ve lived. Why?! Why didn’t I do so?!

I cried and roared until my tear ran dry and my throat became sore.

But no matter how many times I screamed, or how much tear that I cried, my mother still laid peacefully in my arms as if she has fallen asleep. I had no other ways but to accept the fact that she had died.

According to the report, it seemed like she had hanged herself around the time when I assassinated the old man.

Perhaps, it might be karma? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

I went back the next day carrying all her remaining and a letter that was written by her.

On the letter, she wrote that she was really tired of living. She couldn’t endure the pain of the illness anymore that was why she decided to hang herself and end her life. She also wrote that she was sorry for everything, and hopes that Hikaru and I would stay strong and live on. In addition, she also prepared a present for us in a bag.

When I opened the bag, there were two scarfs in there. Just by looking at them I could tell that she made them herself, possibly during her hospital stay. She was very good at those things.

When I told Hikaru the news of our mother passing away and showed him the scarf, he just hugged me as tight as he could and sobbed. Not those very loud and heartbreaking cry, but the silent and weak one. It was the first time that I’ve seen him cry in a long time, he must have thought that it would make me feel bad if he cries really loud. But nonetheless, I couldn’t hold in later on and ended up crying with him.

At that time, I was fourteen years old and he was just eight.

After a while, using the money that was left over, I brought Hikaru along with me back to Japan where our maternal grandparents were living at.

But --- My nightmare didn’t end just yet.

After a full body-check up, we found out that Hikaru was having a heart problem. Although it might be okay for now, it would be very dangerous for him later on as he grows older. He needed a recovery program and a surgery if necessary. All those needed money.

I could not help but laugh when I was told of those things.

Destiny sure likes to troll, doesn’t it?

Not only did you take away my parents, you are taking away my precious little brother too?

But --- this time, I’m not going to hesitate…

I told myself that as I started looking for jobs. Not just any kind of jobs, jobs to assassinate, to kill people. That was the fastest way of earning money that I could think of.

My hands were already dyed red by someone’s blood; it won’t make a difference if I kill more or less now.

I became a mercenary, an assassin that would do anything if the pay was good.

And after an encounter with a woman wearing round sunglasses with deep red coat, I became a monster as well.

I’ve already walked a path of no return. There was nothing that I could do to make everything go back how it used to be anymore, if so, I just to have to do what I needed to do in order to stay alive right?

But --- only till now did I realize that what I was doing was wrong…


Hikaru’s voice could be heard at a distance of this pitch-black darkness.

Please, I don’t --- want to die yet…


A familiar teenage girl’s voice could be heard along as well, that was the voice of my partner who had accompanied me all along.

Michiru ---!

But no matter how hard I shouted, or how far I stretched my hands forwards, I couldn’t escape the enveloping darkness.

Just like how dream would perish once dawn comes, this, perhaps is where my dream ends…?

Harboring unspeakable emotions deep inside me, my consciousness gave in to the never ending darkness.

The End.  

Below is the character look that I had in mind for Lind, xD excuse me for my poor PS skill ahaha.

And this is Lind's gf, Michiru. She has Ubuki's personality xD


  1. social welfare and medical policies... poor Lind... what "was" his dream anyway?

  2. From which volumes does this chapter comes from?

  3. thank you for making my day, in all seriousness, it's a good piece, though totally depressing, but it was really well written

    1. Thank you! and sorry for making your day worse Dx. Maybe this new will make you feel better, the boy he survived. and lived happy ever after with his love ones. (stop spoiling ending will you?!)

  4. Yay my types of story. Seriously though, I really should stop like depressing things so much.

    1. Mushi uta IS a depressing story, but it also has a factor called hope that makes you wanna keep on reading it (Thou barely anyone made it through alive >.>)

  5. Very well written, but too.. depressing. Now, off to find some good vanilla one shot

  6. Thanks for reading~ Well, this happens before he almost dies, so yeah xD. The other parts that I wrote (which are in chinese) aren't depressing as this ahaha.

  7. Nice piece~ great work, too depressing for me to handle lol...